A relationship is described as the state of connectedness between people, particularly in emotional connection. In a relationship, happiness is commonly felt. However, it is also common in a relationship to encounter trials, obstacles and problems. These struggles are usually brought about by issues concerning the people involved in the relationship. One common issue that needs to be resolved is the problem of codependency. But what is codependency? What are the different characteristics of a codependent person and how to overcome codependency?
Types of Relationships
• Interdependent relationship – an interdependent relationship is also described as a healthy relationship. This involves partners that are able to act responsibly for himself or herself as well as act responsibly to the other partner in order to give or deliver what has been promised to each other.
• Independent Relationship – this type of relationship is somewhat the opposite of the first one. This shows a person who assumes total responsibility only for himself or herself. This shows little or no responsibility at all for the other partner.
• Codependent Relationship – codependent relationship, on the other hand, shows a person who is overly involved with another person in assuming the responsibility for their responses. This is also an opposite of the independent relationship since the person intrudes into the responsibility area of the partner leaving no responsibility for himself or herself.
Basing on these three descriptions of relationships, we can definitely see that the interdependent relationship is considered the ideal type. Nevertheless, there are countless relationships that fall under the independent and codependency types of relationships. Because of this fact, it is important that we are aware on how to deal with these issues in order to resolve the problem and bring out a healthier relationship. Below are some of the indicative signs of codependency.
• Constant need for certainty or the presence of being uncertain.
• A need to have control over the relationship.
• Constant feelings of fear and worry.
• Presence of brooding and/or obsessive analysis.
• Chronic adjustment of own preferences and priorities. This usually starts in a very subtle way, but can still end up as an insidious disease that affects the self esteem.
• Imbalance to the energy as well as the attention that is given to the relationship. This includes making most of the efforts in the relationship such as making most of the phone calls, planning most of the relationship activities and a lot more. Aside from this, resentment may also develop from the imbalance of affection in the relationship. This includes handing out most of the sweet and caring things like giving gifts, complementing and supporting the other, showing signs of acknowledgment and appreciation in the other’s achievements and expressing more love and affection which includes initiating most of the sexual activities.
• This particular imbalance is also a sign of sacrifice in the part of the codependent partner. The one who tends to give out most for the relationship is the one who ends up sacrificing more. Because of this behavior, self identity and personal perspective are usually lost. This likewise occurs to the willingness of abandoning personal aspirations and pursuits, which can end up sacrificing the family and social life in deference to what is perceived as the partner’s needs.
• A codependent person also encounters problems in letting go despite the obvious loss in the reciprocity of feelings.
How to Overcome Codependency?
Fortunately, there are still some effective ways in order to overcome codependency. These steps begin by identifying the person to whom you feel over-involved with. This includes questioning ourselves to whom do we feel responsible for and what are we responsible for in a relationship. Identifying this will help in opening the doors to reality. It is also important to recognize how the relationship connections are being represented. This will allow us to see why and how we are connected to the other person. Once these connections are noticed, we can try to imagine what will occur as soon as these ties are severed. This will push us to see whether we are capable of doing this. If not, then it is ideal to explore what are the things that keep the tie secured. This leads to identifying the secondary gain that can be obtained from the relationship.
As soon as the gains are identified, it is time for the outcomes to be recognized. This includes identifying the objective in keeping the codependency secured with the other person. Knowing what can be obtained and what can be given for this relationship to continue is also necessary. The next thing to be done is to envision an ideal self with the independence and responsibility to oneself. Identify what can be gained and what can be lost from this kind of partnership or personality. Is there any resemblance between the current behavior and the ideal self?
It is also vital to be resourceful in overcoming codependency. This means exploring ourselves more and determining the possible things that make us feel needy and the different benefits of being the ideal self in a healthy relationship. Soaking in the good feelings of being the ideal partner can be helpful letting go of codependency. Aside from this, noticing how others are handling a relationship can also be effective in keeping the ideal self alive. This gives inspiration on how to live a better partner for a better relationship.
These are just some of the ways or steps that we could take in order to learn how to overcome codependency. Giving or being responsible for the other person is definitely a good thing. However, doing this too much can already be destructive, not just to ourselves but to the relationship as well.